Hi there,
The holidays can bring a mix of emotions—joy, stress, nostalgia, or even sadness. As a therapist and as someone who’s been through my fair share of both magical and challenging holiday seasons, I know this time of year can feel very different depending on your experiences. Whether you’re excited to deck the halls or feeling overwhelmed by it all, I want to share some thoughts to help you navigate those feelings.
Let me start by sharing something personal. Growing up, holidays in my family were a big deal —there were twinkling lights, family dinners, and plenty of laughter. But they weren’t perfect. I also remember moments of tension: disagreements at the table, the stress of making everything “just right,” and the silent weight of financial worries. As I grew older, I realized that not everyone’s holiday memories were wrapped in joy and warmth.
For some, the holidays are a time of celebration and connection. For others, they bring reminders of loss, fractured relationships, or unmet expectations. Both are valid experiences. Your feelings this time of year—whatever they may be—are part of your story, shaped by your past and present circumstances.
If the holidays bring stress, anxiety, or sadness, you’re not alone. I’ve felt those emotions too.
There have been years when I dreaded the season because it felt overwhelming to meet everyone’s expectations. Here are some strategies I’ve used personally and suggested to clients that can help:
1. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions
This one is hard but important. If you’re feeling sad or anxious, it’s okay. You don’t have to force yourself to be cheerful just because it’s the holiday season. I’ve had moments where I needed to step away from the noise, take a walk, and just let myself process what I was feeling. It helped me find my footing again.
2. Identify Triggers
For me, I know that big family gatherings can sometimes be stressful. I love my family deeply, but I’ve learned to recognize when I need a little space to breathe. What are your triggers? Identifying them doesn’t make you weak—it makes you wise.
3. Set Boundaries
This was a game-changer for me. For a long time, I thought I had to say “yes” to everything: every party, every tradition, every obligation. But giving myself permission to say “no” to things that drained me helped me actually enjoy the parts of the holidays that mattered most.
Even in years when the holidays felt heavy, I’ve found that there’s always room for moments of peace and joy. It’s not about forcing happiness, but about noticing the small things that bring a little light.
1. Create New Traditions
One year, when my family was going through a tough time, we decided to skip the usual big dinner and went for a quiet beach picnic instead (a very Florida holiday!). It felt strange at first, but it turned out to be one of the most meaningful holidays I’ve ever had.
2. Practice Gratitude (Without Pressure)
I know gratitude can feel cliché, but for me, it’s about simplicity. I remember sitting with a cup of coffee on a chilly morning and feeling thankful for that little moment of calm. You don’t have to list out grand things—sometimes it’s the small comforts that matter.
3. Seek Connection
I’ve seen the power of connection in my life and in the lives of my clients. One year, I volunteered at a local shelter on Christmas Day. It was humbling, and it reminded me that even in tough times, we’re all in this together.
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, the holidays feel like too much. I’ve been there too. If this resonates with you, know that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, joining a support group, or reaching out to a therapist, you don’t have to carry the weight alone.
The holidays don’t have to look a certain way to be meaningful. They can be messy, complicated, joyful, or bittersweet—all at once. Over the years, I’ve learned to embrace the holidays as they come, rather than forcing them to be perfect.
So, whether your season is filled with excitement or quiet reflection, give yourself permission to feel it all. Celebrate in a way that feels right for you, and remember it’s okay to hold both joy and sadness in your heart at the same time.
From my family to yours, wishing you peace, comfort, and self-compassion this holiday season.
Warmly,
Paola
